There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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