The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
