he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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