sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
