I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
