Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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