After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
