goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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