Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
