hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
