Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
