Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
