She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
