Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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