At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
