i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
