I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm getting married
To pizza
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
