my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
