i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
