Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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