I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
