I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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