ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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