sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
