We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
