i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
