Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
