Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
