Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
