o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
