Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
