I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
