The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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