You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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