she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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