I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
