Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
