yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
