I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
