I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
