he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
