apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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