Don't make out with my wife yet
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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