your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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