I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
