like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
