it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
