she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
