yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
