i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
