my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
